“Getting angry releases an enzyme… tryptophan hydroxylase… which can temporarily reduce the I.Q”
Well, I hope I don’t make you stupid
When I make you angry.
Cause you don’t realise
That I am only angry
When you’re temporarily stupid.
Tag Archives: anger
Sometimes I wonder
How much worse things can get. I made my two best friends break up today, cause of something I said.. She told me something about him that she was not supposed to say but I didn’t know it was meant to be a secret. So I just figured I should leave him a nice message and a nice video and try to cheer him up cause of what had happened.. But he got angry cause I knew, and he took it all out on her, and now they broke up.
Honestly, can I be more useless than this? Not only do I make myself constantly go through hell, but now I managed to somehow destroy other people’s relationship cause I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. Well, it’s not like I did it on purpose but still, I’m the one to blame..
And now of course, as I was feeling like shit trying to explain stuff to both sides, I remembered of all the other things that made my life a living hell these past weeks. Or should I say PEOPLE? I guess that’s the way it goes in the end. Some people hurt other people then those other people go and mess things up for other people and so on. Humanity, thank you for all you’ve given me. Now I can really say ‘fuck my life’ without any trace of irony. Fuck it.
This is bad
As I said, I’m sorry this blog turned into a venting place, I had had something else in mind for it, but I’m just too emotionally broken. Yesterday something happened.. I remember there was this group on Facebook saying ‘I wish music played during epic moments of my life, not just in movies’, well yeah, that’s exactly what happened to me yesterday but in a bad way. I somehow managed to find his pictures. His pictures.. and I looked at them as the song I posted above was playing on the background. I had no intention to do that, and it only hurt more listening to the line ‘How can you say that your truth is better than ours?’ whilst seeing, well, him .
It was just.. .too much, to say the least. Too much, too much. By the way, this is the guy I fell madly in love with, apparently.
Radiography of love
Two years tomorrow. Two years since I first talked to you, and half a year since I’ve missed you like crazy every day of my life. I read some of our conversations, I would read them all but they’re thousands.. This is how it all started. This is to remind me why I loved you so much.
19th of August, 2009.
Alecs: you have to enjoy it and have fun, cause it`s really beautiful there
Jasper: yeah il have fun
Jasper: but i just wish i could talk to you dude!
Alecs: why?! i mean you`ll have fun, that`s what matters:P
Alecs: be happy about it
Jasper: hahah nah you dont understand :P
Alecs: make me
Jasper: i can’t
Alecs: haha why?
Jasper: coz i dont like it when i dont talk to you!
Alecs: uhm, neither do i!
Alecs: but you`ll feel okay and you`ll forget
Alecs: i mean you won`t forget me
Alecs: just forget you were feeling sad
Alecs: which is a good thing, cause we don`t want you sad, don`t we?! :P silly
Jasper: you’ll forget too then! :P
Alecs: no i won`t, cause i won`t be there having fun
Alecs: i`ll be looking at your fucking OFFLINE NAME on MSN
Jasper: you’ll be in greece! :P
Alecs: i won`t have fun in greece dude, i`m going with them!
Alecs: like it will be nice, relaxing but not.. FUN
*
21st of August, 2009
Alecs: what did you want to tell me?
Jasper: um, no
Alecs: tell me!
Jasper: i cant!
Alecs: you said you can tell me anything!
Jasper: i know :P
Alecs: and we won`t be talking in ages
Alecs: and i want to know what`s going on with you
Jasper: ah dude im so stupid
Alecs: STOP SAYING YOU ARE
Jasper: like this summer i got really close to you, and i know i shouldnt have because … i duno i always love things that i ‘cant have’ you know? and it sucks and i just know that stuffs guna get so hard when i go back to school because it always does
Jasper: you just mean so much to me dude, like way too much if you ask me, and thats just talking like this, i havent even met you and i care that much for you and i dont understand and in a way i wish i didnt
Alecs: ….
Alecs: uhm, like, thanks for saying this, you made it easier for me too, haha
Jasper: haha im ridiculous
Jasper: dont tell me im not
Alecs: do you remember when i told you that if i`ll ever get too close to you, i`ll have to delete you for ever? haha
Alecs: uhm of course i was kidding then, but it kind of happened, and i know it`s stupid, i don`t even want to admit it, cause it`s absurd
Alecs: and like i always make it harder for me you know?
Alecs: i somehow manage to complicate things everytime and i make myself suffer
Alecs: and this is really stupid, honestly
Alecs: i wish it wasn`t like that either
Alecs: and telling you this, feels even more stupid
Alecs: but i don`t want to go, and i don`t want you to go
Jasper: me either
Jasper: but it is stupid, i hate it, i just wish we lived close and could be like normal friends
Looking back and reading these now I realize how much has changed, how much it’s been. I don’t recognize myself in those lines, but I surely recognize him. That’s exactly how I remembered him. So weird to think it was only two years ago, I was just a kid. I wish I could have that summer back, if only for a few days.. that would be.. ‘fun-toss-teak’.
Some more anger
Well, I’m fairly pissed off today. Besides the fact that I spent half of the day doing something I didn’t want to, I had the stupidest argument with someone who is very dear to me. What’s the worst though, is that I don’t know where it came from.
There’s times like these I realize how relationships can easily be ruined, friendships can be broken and so on. Nothing really matters or lasts in life, we just feel that it does for a short, insignificant amount of time until something changes then it’s all gone. Words like ‘forever’ and ‘never’ should not exist when it comes to human-ish things, we should not be allowed to use them for we know fuck all about their meanings. We’re just worthless pathetic creatures. We are nothing compared to.. well, anything: time, space, the universe, even OUR bloody planet. We think we’re important but in fact, we aren’t. Everyday stuff keeps us busy, makes us forget what and who we are, and that we aren’t gonna stick around much longer.
There’s times like these, when from a silly argument I come to blame human race, including myself, for being so ridiculously stupid and absurd. I know we should not have the so-called ‘expectations’, that we should not expect people to react the way we want them to because they have a whole other way of thinking, they are unpredictable and most of the times illogical in their actions. I know that every disappointment others bring us is actually our mind being let down cause of something it itself created, and I know there is no one to blame but our selves, or in this case, my self. My self for being so ignorant and arrogant, for thinking drawing plans of the future is like drawing an apple. For not realising there is no tiny reason, not even one, why others should do what I would do.
–
You know what sucks big time? When someone says something… when someone says something and you have no idea what to answer. It’s when they say something and it confuses the shit outta you and you’re just sat there with literally nothing to say, hoping they would add something or let it go, but they usually don’t. Hell no, they don’t.And then you have to think of three things. One is what on the world made them say that, try to understand them. Second one is how it makes you feel, and third one is what you should say. Isn’t that hard? I feel it is. I feel it’s bloody hard and there’s only so many people who care about that..
Sad. Really, really sad.
Conflicts
Conflicts.. don’t we just love them? If we could watch any day of our lives the way we watch movies (another thing we seem to worship as well), I think we’d actually end up feeling pity for the human race whose reputation we constantly ruin with all the useless stuff we do.
Think about all the stupid reasons that make us pollute the universe with bad thoughts and energy. It is hilarious. Throughout my life, I’ve noticed a fair amount people didn’t seem to like me, and that is fine by me. Plus, I find it absolutely pointless to respond to a conflict. Really, why would you do that? .. To prove you’re better? Well guess what, if you insult back and reply to all the nonsense there’s no way on earth you’ll ever be better. Not to you, not to anyone else.
Besides, the ones who start conflicts, obviously think that you’re wrong/stupid/arrogant/whatever and want you to replace your point of view with theirs. Keep it between me and you, this form of inducing an idea actually means the person badly needs acceptance and acknowledge from others because they don’t trust themselves enough. Needless to say it’s the stupidest way to try to dominate, but oh well, long live ignorance.
Have you noticed there are some people who just seem to NEED to argue? I know quite a few. They always seem to have something against .. everything. And this is why they do it – cause they seek approval. The more you try to impose an idea, the more unsure you are it is true. Think about it – there are times when you are 100% positive about something and if anyone wants to say the opposite you really refuse to engage in the conversation, like ‘I won’t even bother explaining this to you.’ Now, THAT is the right attitude. Besides if you think it through, why do you need them to think the same as you?
I would hate it if everyone thought like me. So what if they’re wrong? Fuck em, what do you care?
I tried dealing with people’s anger in every way I could. Sometimes it takes unearthly efforts to put up with it, but it’s worth it. I’ve found the best way to dominate an argument (cause that’s what we seem to want eventually) and prove we are better is to ignore it. Just pretend it didn’t happen. Smile. DO NOT say a word! Trust me, this is like the best recipe ever to shut people’s mouth. Action through non-action, that’s one of the most useful Taoist teachings. The Chinese got it right.
It will drive them crazy, but that’s not what we want (or at least, that’s not what we SHOULD want) – what really matters is that it will make them face their selves. They’ll be forced to look inside and do some introspection, even involuntarily. Then something will tell them they’re wrong, and they’ll try to make that uncomfortable feeling go by yelling/insulting/sending more texts/calling more, etc. Anything it takes for you to respond and feed their frustrations. But DON’T DO IT.
Sometimes I feel bad for the people I love when I see them get mad and I just choose not to react, cause they often think I don’t care enough or don’t love them or I’m ignorant or whatever. I don’t mind that. The key is to feel relief when they get that bad energy poisoning their brain out, and don’t fight it. You’ll only make things worse, so let them say what they want and listen to them, cause that’s their raw self speaking. Take advantage of it and try to help them later, or if you don’t wanna do that, take advantage of it and remember their weaknesses. Anyhow, feel their relief and look at it as a good thing instead of being offended or feeling disappointed.
We should never feel ‘disappointed’ in others, that’s another stupid concept people invented to make others do what they want them to do, some sort of subtle blackmail. For example – I am disappointed you didn’t remember I had an exam today. Why should they anyway? We are in-di-vi-du-als, which means our actions and thoughts are unique and we sort them and use them the way we want to. We are not related to each other, although sometimes it bloody looks like it.
My point is.. feel good, accept others being angry, understand that as a natural reaction, and listen to whatever they’re saying. At least you know for sure they’re being honest in those moments.
Squeaky Voices and Creaking Floors 