You know, there’s a point after every relationship when it all sorta comes back to haunt you, and the weird thing isn’t that it does, but that it comes back later than you’d expect. What bothers me is that it comes uninvited, and lingers on until you finally gather all the resources to kick it out of your head.
It happened to me the other day, I remembered a pair of slippers that I left at his house and I wondered what had happened to them, then I remembered everything. That made me wonder where all those things had gone before that moment, as I tried as much as I could to throw them in the backest of my memory. I can’t say it was a pleasant feeling but I didn’t feel overwhelmed with sadness either. I would imagine most people would be devastated when that moment comes and they realize nothing will ever be like that again, ever. It’s well hard to bring closure to something so important, that’s true, but to be honest it was rather a mixture of ‘I shouldn’t be doing this‘ and ‘it sets me free‘. Like when you scratch and you know you shouldn’t but it feels good.
It took me about an hour to reminisce all the important stuff, I’m sure it would’ve taken days if I tried to bring back everything, but I think what I did was enough.. thing is, I had a feeling after all this happened which I never had before. I didn’t miss him. I didn’t want to get back together or see him or hear him, not even hear him laugh. Actually, I realized how inappropriate the relationship was, how different we were and how I should’ve never settled for that, now that I’ve seen the reverse of the medal. Then I was glad I had the strength to end it, and I must admit I’m well proud of myself for that.
You know, I’ve got a friend who’s in a relationship for almost two years now and the whole thing is miserable. She constantly feels awful and treats him badly, he can’t find any motivation and acts like a twat most of the times. The classic destructive relationship that leaves you wrecked up when you get out of it. The reason why I mention this is because my friend always encouraged me to do the best for me, be selfish and take risks. She encouraged my decision to walk out of the broken relationship I had, although that made me suffer a great deal when it happened, but we both agreed it was for the best. She’s seen my lowest low and my highest high so far, and I’m guessing it’s quite obvious that the High is worth the Low I’ve been through… She said she was proud of me for making that decision not a second later than I should’ve. I did it when I felt I had to walk out, and I never looked back, no matter how hard it’s been for me.
I wish I could say the same about her. I wish everyone had the strength to do this, no matter their ages, financial status and so on. If something isn’t what you want it to be anymore and it’s not up to you to change it, WALK OUT. Honestly. Just leave it.. a life is not worth all this damage for nothing. And this is just one of the revelations I had after remembering a (hi)story of three years. It has actually been a constructive experience after all..
October 8th, 2011 at 10:37 am